Desires

We all have things in life we dearly want and without which we see our existence dwindling in the twilight of our foreseeable future.For many years ,I have based my life around one such desire .Even though I make it a policy of expressing things unsaid in the written form,I will keep this one thing undisclosed.

For me ,Desires are what run the human life. Without them ,the very existence is questionable unless someone is planning to make his career in the field of "Sadhu-ism"(which again in the modern age is not possible).Some desire for love, some for peace ,some for desire,some for success ,some for money,some for revenge and some for lust. The hard fact being that every point of your life ,childhood ,teenage, adult or old-age , all is driven by a desire in one form or the other . Desires are like oxygen(orgasms) which sustain life (passion).

Its almost unnatural to not have any desires . Its innate and almost as uncontrollable as your sneeze . A desire can take birth at any minute .You might not even know the point of life when a particular Desire took its inception in your self .The proportions to which your Desires grow ,depends on how much time you have nurtured it,though about it and had a belief that its going to happen one day."Hope", is what Desires feed on .A famous movie quotes (Shawshank Redemption )-"Hope is a dangerous thing " ,therefore by rule of equivalency,"Desires too are dangerous ".

When a Desire begins too big ,big enough that every aspect of your life is directed to some-how achieve that and the very thought of your Desire not coming true breaks you into a schizophrenic state , it either makes or breaks the individual (mostly breaks ).The Euphoria of accomplishment is obviously unprecedented,but so is the doom and grief of failure or lose .In-fact for me its more . Just imagine a situation ,where in you fight everyday for a Desire for the past few years only to know that "its not going to happen ever ".There's this pressure that builds on your heart which makes it heavy ,you constantly gasp for air and you just want to blurt it all out in bellows ,screeches and tears .Its not the lost time or sense of failure ,but its the emotions you attached to it .Its the pain and frustration of letting your desires overtake your individuality .Its the sorrow of losing your own identity in your eyes , because for the past few years that's what had defined you for yourself.

Its been nearly a decade when I had this Desire. And again for the same decade I have known that its "never gonna happen".In spite of this,I had let this Desire control my life in the false "Hope" of some sort "Magic". This is the most dangerous situation,not knowing when to "Let it Go" .We keep fighting for it even when its over because we have become used to it .Its hard to imagine life without that Desire. Its more the punishment that you have made yourself accustomed to . 

Its difficult to get over Desires and I have no idea how to do that,especially when they keep playing hide&seek with your emotional inner-child ."Time" is the only "healer" for these heartaches ,that I know of ,who does it for free ,else you can get all the "paid " help you want. .

Caught was he in the storm of his Desires ,

Just drifting along somewhere in the middle ,

His mind was a maze and life a riddle

He didn't know where to go, couldn’t do it alone he tried

And he didn’t know why.


He was just a guy lost in the moment

He was so scared but he didn’t show it

He couldn't figure it out

It’s bringing him down, he knew

He had got to let it go,he always knew.

Love -One Happiness

This blog comes after a long pondering on the events of my life and others surrounding my ecosystem or had once inhabited it at some point of my life .


As I witness a lot of my school/college friends being hitched in the vows of marriage these days ,a question keeps popping up "why so soon " ? They are still my age and there seems to be no hurry or a speck of anything conspiring in that direction for myself . To be honest, it wasn't more of a question ,but a kind of mockery because I as an individual has never believed(understood) in the institution of marriage and every single marriage of a close-one gives me a more so reason to question my belief for the good .So I just decided to ponder over things (tend to do that a lot ).


I looked at images of some of the newly wed brides and grooms(sorry for stalking) from their marriage and I noticed a very common thing amongst all . It was not the excitement of being a  groom or a bride ,or the joy of families coming together and not even the happiness of taking one step into adulthood.. This was something different,one that can only be gauged from their expressions and their body-language,"Accomplishment" and "Tranquillity". I could see it in their eyes .It was not a boastful or an arrogant bearing ,it was more satisfaction and a sense of getting everything that they ever wanted . They had found "Love ".George Sand once said "There is only one happiness in this life , to love and to be loved " . They had found the "one happiness " in life , someone to love and someone to be loved from, for their entire life .

At this point pf life we all are hatefully chasing money, changing jobs , hearing shit from our bosses, attending meetings , licking and backscratching for appraisals ,eating unhealthy foods , living with unknown people in a p.g (cause its cheaper ) and bearing their qualms and finally mulling over what dreams we had and what life has thrown us into and even shed a tear or two occasionally . But why are we doing it ,who are we doing it for .Definitely not for ourselves ,cause then we all would have been chasing our dreams rather than stuck in a soul-sucking corporate world. Its the wait . The wait for things to change .The wait to find that "one happiness" that changes it all .Once you find it , though all will be the same , but it wont be the same.All that fight you have put in their seems trivial and worth-it for the new love that you find it in their .Martin Luther King once quoted "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."


With all being said above its not true for all .Sometimes you love someone and that's what you desire for but you don't get it back .You know its the the only thing you want or the only one you can spent your life with ,but its not the other way around . You found someone to love but will not be loved . Its difficult to move on ,never quiet at heart and I have no answer for that (fellow sufferer).Honestly,you will be lucky to have that "one happiness" in life and lucky are those who get that .That's why its said I guess that "Matches are made in heaven " for they have ridden their luck to find the "one ".


So in the end I will like to say this to all the married couples out there(new or old )


Happy Married Life and congratulations on finding your "one happiness".Loads of Happiness .Keep setting new relationship goals and challenge my belief system . I have watched and learnt from you guys and hopefully will continue doing so.And one last few nugget of words for you all

"Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. "


Now everyone single go slog ,for your "Love" is around the corner.

Time

Tick tock...tick tock...
life is counting down on your internal clock.

All of my life,I was living in a lie.
It seems that my childhood has flown right by.

Memories which were as if they occurred yesterday,
turn to flashes of moments that seem to fade away.

People you once knew
walk by without a clue.

The times you once shared
exist as if you were never there.

Rum,Whiskey or a bottle of scotch,
None cant help cause your heart is botched.

No amount of joints and bongs ,
can right where you belong 

You got your success but lost your love ,
Cause the time you took flew like a dove .

She couldn't wait 
Cause her parents were getting late.

Years fly...love fades ...friends die...
and you never know when you'll say your last goodbye.

Oh, how I wish I could turn back time,
spend it with loved ones and cherish what was once mine.

Or to go back even more,
being a kid in a candy store.

How I miss the way I used to feel
on Christmas day when Santa was real.

But back to reality...back to today,
family is scarce and memories continue to fade away.

Tick tock...tick tock...
how I wish I could control this clock.