A Feeling Not Known !!!

As I sit on the corner of my bed , all covered up in quilts and whatsapping  friends (vitually socializing)..I realize its not something that is  making  me happy.Talking to friends and not feeling happy,rather feeling an eerie silence in my inner-self (it may be the empty house silence too), something is bad , really really bad.
Conversations like "nice d.p","the smileys" , " ohhh awesome" , "thats amazing","lol" are all void and have not even the tiniest connection to my sentimental half (no offense to people i am whatsapping these days)
 Never in my life I had this urge to stay away from any kind of human contact ever...(Stay away I should rather  say "run away").Whats going wrong ,once a person who cannot even have a meal of the day alone is now looking for ways to just skip any kind of company he might have..
Deep down on the inside is a feeling that seems caged in a black-box.A feeling I know is there but don't know what it is.There is something that's eating me from inside..its hard to figure out what it is.
There is no lack of trying to overcome this feeling but it's hard when  I don't even know what i am fighting against . As goes the lines from the song "Eating Me Alive",

You can sit there and tell me that I didn't try,
And I can honestly tell you that I never lied.
I can't stand this dark feeling, the shark eating me up inside.
Eating me alive.
Eating me alive

I just want to run away from this feeling  , fast and so far , that not even the tiniest black shadow of this feeling may fall on my soul..I just want to shout out so loud that my own ears become deaf to the painful howling of this feeling (not an actual deaf) and i want to cry so much that my tears drown the boat full of hideous feelings...
People reading it might feel that what a sadist I am..But trust me you would never like to be in such a position...A position of utter confusion and where you seem nonchalant only from outside but deep inside you know there's a storm rising.. A storm that may subside with only few side-effects or A storm that might wreck the city of your emotions like a tsunami..
But i wont give up and will fight till the very end..As goes the lines from " Until the End"

Alone I'll walk the winding way, here I stay
It's over, no longer I feel it growing stronger
I live to die another day, until I fade away

Why give up? Why give in? It's not enough, it never is
So I will go on until the end
We've become desolate, it's not enough, it never is
But I will go on until the end

Surround me, it's easy to fall apart completely
I feel you creeping up again in my head
It's over, no longer I feel it growing colder
I knew this day would come to end, so let this life begin

Why give up? Why give in? It's not enough, it never is
So I will go on until the end
We've become desolate, it's not enough, it never is
But I will go until the end

I've lost the way, I've lost the way
But I will go on until the end
Living is hard enough without you fucking up

Why give up? Why give in? It's not enough, it never is
So I will go on until the end
We've become desolate, it's not enough, it never is
But I will go on until the end

I've lost the way, I've lost the way
But I will go on until the end

The final fight, I win
The final fight, I win
The final fight, I win
But I will go on until the end

WHAT I WANT FROM LIFE !!!!!

I usually wonder why all kind of thoughts cloud up on our mind mostly during the night hours..Does our emo-level increase as the day progresses and we finally give in to our thoughts or is it something else..actually i don't care..

As I sit in the balcony of my deserted and lonely apartment embracing and enjoying the pleasures of the cool night breeze,the silver moonlight and the warmth of my cinnamon cigar ,wondering how to bide my time alone ,a feeling struck me ...hmm...i should rather say a question struck upon me.A question which i think i had the answer to,but never put any thought on it. The question which nearly everyone has "WHAT ONE WANTS FROM THEIR LIFE"..

I think about this often, but I’d hadn’t taken the time to compose an answer to this . So I did.




I want a life of experiences, and delicious, spicy curries, and chocolate cake. Of simple, comfortable fabrics to wear, of clean air and sunlight. Of fresh drinking water. For everyone.

I want a life of giving and receiving, of working hard and playing fiercely, a life of vulnerability and openness and naked risk.

I want a life where mistakes are lessons, not regrets. Where details are remembered only to the extent that they make someone feel treasured, and then they are forgotten, so that we can see the big, beautiful picture together.

I want a life of children, of partnership and karmically-connected soul mates, of imperfection, mutual adoration and consistent effort. A life of honesty and shame and recovery in each others’ arms.


I want a life of laughter, of giggles and hearty howls. Of happy, full tears streaming down the faces of loved ones, liked ones, unknown ones.

I want a life where my inbox automatically, magically unsubscribes and deletes me from any newsletter that I don’t need, where cell phone signals don’t drop in the middle of a tender, crucial conversation.

I want a life where little girls and little boys know it is not only normal, but necessary, to take really good care of themselves.

I want a life where overwhelm turns into abundance after 30 seconds of fretting.

I want a life where all beings — human and animals — are treated kindly, with respect, honor and dignity. Without abuse, neglect and horror.

I want a life of compassion, creativity and more quiet.

Of consciousness.

Of heartache.

Of humanity.

Of bliss.

Of beauty.

I want a life that is ALIVE.

A Complicated Friendship - Chapter One

9 YEARS LATER

(HOLLY P.O.V)




The damn alarm clock was broken.That was why I was late

for school. I woke up half an hour later from when I was suppose to,

and only had about 5 minutes to dress, brush my teeth, and grab all

my things. Then I had about another 5 minutes to run to school, which

usually was a 10-minute walk. I made it to homeroom while the late

bell was ringing.I'm sorry," I breathed heavily as I entered the classroom. The teacher, Mrs. Brook,

glared at me. I just ignored her and made my way to my seat. As I sat

down a boy entered the room.He was tall and was

dressed in dark blue jeans and a black shirt. He carried a binder in

one hand, and a backpack was handing from one of his shoulders. His

semi-short hair was dark, a bit of a contrast to his semi-light green

eyes. He was hot, that was for sure. And though he may seem like a

nice looking boy, there was something dark about him, yet something

familiar.The girls behind me

began to whisper to one another. "He is so

hot!" One girl squeaked." Oh I hope he sits

next to me!" Another girl said.I rolled my eyes."Class! I would like

to introduce to you a new student…" Mrs. Brook turned to the boy

and asked, "What's your name?"The boy said, "

William Langley". Mrs. Brook turned her

gaze back to the class, her eyes searching for a seat. She pointed to

the empty seat behind me. "There will be your seat."That girl got her

wish.I ignored him as he sat

down behind me. Slowly as Mrs. Brook began to lecture, my thoughts

drifted back to nine years ago. The name William began to make me

think of Willie, and I suddenly had the urge to find out where he

was. It had been nine years already and we never made any contact

with one another.Class ended later on

and until lunch, I was finally able to talk to my best friend

Victoria Golden. I met her a couple months after Willie left, and she

was the only one who I could really tell things to, other than Willie

of course.I found Victoria

sitting at our regular seat in the cafeteria. She was eating her

usual meal, a baloney sandwich, an apple, a soda, and a two-pack

cupcake. When I sat down I took out my burrito and two bags of chips,

one for Victoria and me.So is the new kid in

any of your classes?" I asked as I handed Victoria her bag of

chips. She gave me one of the cupcakes and said, " Nope. But he's

a hot topic. A lot of the girls are talking about him. I really want

to see this guy, he sounds amazingly cute."I shrugged and ate the

chips. " He's all right," I said, still chewing. "I guess you

would like him, but he's not my type."Victoria rolled her

eyes at me. " No guy is your type. Other than that little guy

friend of yours from long ago." She sighed. " God! When are you

going to get rid of that childish crush? I mean you were eight years

old when you liked him! Why hold on to a crush that you had during

the age when you didn't even know what love was?"I didn't look at her.

She was doing it again, giving me a lecture about getting rid of my

crush on Willie. I shook my head. " It's complicated Vic. I know

it was a long time ago, and yeah it's stupid of me to still like a

little guy from long ago who can now be an ass. But, I don't know.

I guess I just fell in love with him, and I just can't let it go.

Until you finally meet someone who you feel like it's someone who

knows you so well, and until you can feel what it's really like to

like someone, than you'll understand what I mean."We were both silent for

a minute or two. Finally Victoria broke the silence as she placed an

arm around me and said, " Look I'm sorry Holly. I know this guy

meant a lot to you, and I should try to understand. Forget I said

anything okay?""

I'm sorry too. I guess I should try not to be so touchy," I said and smiled. " Hey

look, there's that guy!" I pointed behind her. " His name is

William Langley, by the way.Victoria turned around

and her eyes landed on William. I watch as her jaw dropped and I

laughed for her eyes literally popped out of their sockets." That's him!"

Victoria cried out as she pointed to William, who sat down at a table

far from us. " He looks like a god!"I laughed. " You're

over exaggerating. I know he's hot and all, but I don't think you

can classify him as a god."ictoria turned to look

at me than back at him. " If you can't call that guy a god, than

your eyes need to be checked. My god girl, next time give a better

description of a guy!"I rolled my eyes. "

Sorry. I'll remember next type to write down all the details, from

the hair color to clothes and shoes, about the next hot guy that

comes around."You better,"

Victoria muttered, her attention now completely on William.I've decided to leave

Vic alone to observe him. I turned back to eating my food, my

thoughts once again drifting to Willie. I never told Vic his name. I

don't know why. Maybe it's because he means so much to me that I

want him to be my secret, to be mine and no one else's. Even if

that meant hiding his name. But just thinking that I knew I was

getting obsessive.He's gone and

out of your life,I thought to myself. Just forget about

him, Willie will never come back. Accept that.'But deep down I knew

that I couldn't.

A Complicated Friendship-Prologue

Prologue-

9 years ago

"Willie, where are you?" Cried . Holly was a girl of eight, short black hair, with missing front teeth's. She was in search of her best friend, Willie Black, who was hiding from her, one of their usual games.

Holly was getting tired, wanting to give up and was close to tears. She was the sensitive type, and didn't like to lose, especially to Willie, who always would tease her a bit after she lost, but would always make it up to her in a way.

Willie, sensing her tears, stepped out from behind one of the trees in the park and said, "Fine, fine, fine. I'm here."

Holly ran up to Willie and gave a weak smack on his arm. " You're stupid Will!"

"Hey, what's the point of hide and seek if you don't hide good," responded Willie. Willie was a plump little eight-year-old, with black hair and blue eyes. He crossed his arms and puffed out his chest to Holly.

Holly rolled her eyes, and sighed. "I'm tired," she said. She took a seat on the grass, her legs spread out in front of her. Will took a seat next to her. A minute passed when he said, " I'm moving."

Holly gasped, " What? Where? Why?"

Willie shrugged. " My parents told me yesterday. I'm gonna be gone like in a week. Dad got a new job or something."

"What? You can't move!"

" I know, it sucks," he said. Both became quiet. Soon Holly was in tears and was sobbing loudly. "Aw, Holly don't cry. You know I hate you crying!"

" But- I- don't- want- you- to- MOVE!" She continued on sobbing, and occasionally wiping her nose with the sleeve of her shirt.

" Come on Holly!" He said, trying to make her happy again. He hated girls who cries, it made him feel bad. " We are still gonna be friends."

"Really?" Holly hiccuped.

" Yeah, you're my best friend. I won't forget you," Willie said. " Don't worry."

"But-," she was about to say but stopped. Holly instead, took off her Silver Star necklace and gave it to him. " Keep it. To remember me."

"What? I don't want to wear  a girly necklace!" Spat out Willie.

Holly cried, " It's not girly, it's pretty! And anyway, you have to wear it! You said you were my best friend! So you have to wear it for the rest of your life! And you CAN NEVER take it off or I will FOREVER be MAD at you!"

"Ok, ok, ok! Geesh! Girls," Willie muttered under his breath as he took the necklace and put it on. " Happy?"

"Very," was all Holly said. They became silent once more. Holly's heart was still aching from the news, while Will was chewing on the necklace.

Willie suddenly got up and stood in front of Holly. He offered his hand to her. "Come on, its time to get home." Holly took his hand, and was lifted up.

As they stood face to face with one another, Holly and Willie felt a sense of lost coming to them. Before Holly knew it, Willie hugged her. She even heard a little sniffle. A moment later he released her, saying quickly, " Don't tell anyone I did that!" Then he walked off.

Holly stared at his back, watching his figure get smaller and smaller. In a whisper, she said, " Bye- bye Willie."

The Road I Chose

From the day I had you, you made me free.
The more I had you, the more I could flee.
Since that day I kept you close,
Now it's time, you should be a ghost.
You ran my life for so long,
Escaping myself in that bong.
This new road is hard and long I'm sure,
That old road I took will be no more.
It's time to change the way I lived,
I have so much I want to give.
So for all of you who choose this path,
I wish you luck, it will be hard.
Think about today, don't worry about tomorrow,
Day by day you will leave that sorrow.

Transcript of Ravi Shastri's Commentary After Being Stuck in a lift !!!!!!!!!

A big fan of Ravi Shastri's cliche commentary.....You Guys are in here for a treat( Ohh that's a Shastri again)...

Fortunately famous Aussie commentator Bill Lawrie was present with him in the lift during that fateful period.......

One word :sense the tone you will find it more interesting (i hope so)

(Just as Shastri enters the lift)

Lawrie: Too lazy to take the stairs, eh, Raavi?

Ravi: I’m fond of taking the aerial route, Lawrie! Which floor are you heading to?

Lawrie: The fourth.

Ravi (presses the 4 button): Alright then, I start off with a boundary! (presses ‘4’ again) Consecutive boundaries! (presses ‘4’ again) We’re dealing in boundaries at the moment (presses the ‘6’ now) Now I go big! It’s in the air, going, going, gone! (presses ‘6’ again) And again! This one is in the stands! (presses 4 and 6 indiscriminately and in rapid succession, as a shell-shocked Lawrie watches in utter disbelief) This bowler is being taken to the cleaners!

(Suddenly, sparks fly from the button panel, and a loud grating noise is heard overhead, forcing Lawrie and the others to cover their ears and duck reflexively)

Ravi (completely unperturbed): The atmosphere in the elevator is electric, and the noise is deafening. We should be in for a cracker, Lawrie!

(The elevator comes to a grinding halt, and the lights go off, plunging the elevator into darkness)

(All the occupants look at each other, except for Shastri who stares straight ahead)

Lawrie (worried): Oh dear God! What’s happened to the elevator!

Ravi (in his trademark tone): Just get the feeling Lawrie, that something’s gone down the elevator’s wire

Lawrie (now very worried): Oh! Now what do we do?!?

Ravi: Not to worry, Lawrelie. I’m a cool customer, with loads of experience.

(Shastri puts on his shades, adjusts his tie, stands on his toes, reaches for the roof of the lift and nonchalantly pushes out a square panel)

Lawrie: What are you trying to do, Raavi?

Ravi: I know where exactly the boundary is, Lawrie. I have a few tricks up my sleeve! I am gonna give myself some room, find the gap, pick my spot and go the distance!

Lawrie (*facepalm*) : Are you sure, Raavi? Have you done this before?

Ravi: Oh, we do this all the time in India, Lawrie. Speaking of India, do you like Indian curry, Lawrie?

Lawrie: For the love of God …

(Lawrie slaps his forehead and curses himself under his breath for asking)

Ravi (puts his arm through the hole in the roof and gropes around in the dark and then suddenly raises his voice): He goes big! It’s in the air! Will he go all the way? No! He’s mistimed it! Ravi comes under it! and IT IS TAKEN!

(Ravi steps back in, holding something that feels like a piece of cloth. Ravi peers at it in the dark)

Ravi (shouting): IT’S A TIE!!! IT’S A TIE!!! (brings it before Lawrie’s eyes)

Lawrie (loses his cool and yells): Good heavens, Raavi! Stop showing me a discarded tie which someone threw down the elevator shaft!

Ravi (a little defensively): If I’ve got to flash, Lawrie, I will flash hard!!

Lawrie: Dear God, I just can’t take it anymore.

(Lawrie slumps in a corner with an utterly resigned look on his face)

(There is silence in the elevator for about a minute, after which Shastri does the first sensible thing all day. He presses the alarm button)

Ravi (speaking into a microphone on the panel): Ladies and Gentlemen, the news from the center is that Lawrie and I are stuck in an elevator and we need help! We hope to see some live action shortly!

(Lawrie looks up, a semblance of hope returning to his eyes)

Lawrie: Do you think we’ll be able to get out safe, Raavi?

Ravi: At this stage, all 4 results are possible, Lawrie.

(Lawrie groans and faints)

(After about ten minutes, most of it spent in relative silence except for a solitary comment from Shastri on ‘when the powerplay would be taken’, the alarm speaker rings out)

Speaker: Hi guys, this is Mark from the elevator rescue team. We just want to let you know that we will be rescuing you in a few minutes. At this time, we request you to stay calm and not panic. Thank you for your co-operation.

(Lawrie stirs back to consciousness)

Ravi: Mark, you’re just what the doctor ordered!

Mark: Err… yeah… whatever!

Lawrie (mutters weakly): Thank you God. We are saved!

Ravi: Just another thing, Mark!

Mark: Yes, sir?

Ravi: What is the mood like, in the rescue team? What was going through your mind as you rushed to come to our rescue?

(Lawrie utters a shrill scream, leaps to his feet and in a moment of utter insanity, attempts to climb the sides of the elevator using his fingernails, leaving deep scratch marks on the walls of the elevator. Fortunately, within a couple of minutes, the door of the elevator opens, and paramedics step in and carry the harried statistician on a stretcher.)

(Shastri steps out of the elevator, adjusts his shades and stands straight facing his rescuers.)

Ravi: Ladies and Gentlemen, we’ve had a fabulous 55 minutes in the elevator, over 300 words were exchanged as two truly competitive guys went hard at each other, without giving as much as an inch, and it can only be said that in the end, the friendship between Lawrie and me is the real winner!”1

An Ode to Facebook

It all started with an invite.
A crime in broad daylight,
For it was sent to friends infinite.
Yet, meant to excite.

To see my friend’s photos,
My secrets I did disclose.
After creating an account,
Facebook, I did mount.

They bribed me with a Profile
Like a Kingfisher seat in the aisle.

Soon enough, I got poked,
And my emotions got evoked.
I proposed, but she got provoked,
For no fault of mine, I got smoked!

Few strangers sent friend requests,
I ignored the chests & accepted breasts,

Damn! This Facebook suggests,
Strangers I wouldn’t invite as guests.

I got a dashboard too,
And the voyeurist in me grew.
Now I could see girlfriends, wives,
Drives, contrives, thrives and archives.

Now I could see links, pages, ages,
And onstage, offstage rampages.

Status updates, Comments & Likes,
All controlled my mood spikes.

With Newsfeeds served to me hot,
I had hit a jackpot.

Facebook as an idea, I had bought,
Rest of my life, I forgot.

ITS GOOD TO LOVE!!!!

Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times. Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more. Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve. And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be. And when you're through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most. But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

BROKEN FRIENDSHIP

We are friends, best friends, no doubt,
I can make the people hear if YOU ask me to shout.


Sharing happiness and sorrows, Spending memorable time,
Which was as pure as the sounds of a chime.


It was that day that changed the route,
We fell in the same suit.


Guys and Girls cannot be friends,
Taking everything as it tends.


Proving wrong the common thinking,
Together we  went on with our time shrinking.


Regarding it as the best phase,
To bring back I intend to chase.


Yet another day,I Did it with a good cause,
Never expecting it to bring a big pause.


Being together as the eyes are close,
Yet divided by the nose.


Spent time respecting this division,
But failed to do a thorough revision.


With thoughts as pure as fire,
But being taggeed as a liar.


I passed my day in a hope,
That someday My Friend and me will elope.


I thought we were pals for ages,
Realizing later the thinking still was bound by Iron Cages.


Respecting the purity of this strong affection,
Something went wrong ruining the connection.


Still i carry a hope so strong,
That I won't have to wait for long.


We still can be friends, we still can be close,
Walking again on the path we chose.


May god realise this hope,
And make you hold the other end of the rope.

9 Reasons it’s Time to Move On

It happens to you slowly as you grow. You discover more about who you are and what you want, and then you realize that there are changes you need to make. The lifestyle you’ve been living no longer fits. The people you’ve known forever no longer see things the way you do. So you cherish all the great memories, but find yourself moving on.


Here are nine reasons it’s time…
You can learn from your history, but you can’t live in it. – You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. Sometimes we avoid experiencing where we are because we have developed a belief, based on past experiences, that it is not where we should be or want to be. But the truth is, where you are now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go tomorrow.
Some things aren’t meant to be. – Everything from your past does not belong in your present. To hold onto relationships and circumstances that have already moved on without you is to stay stuck in a place and time that no longer exists. Moving on doesn’t mean you completely forget the wonderful things from your past, it just means that you find a positive way of surviving without them in your present.
Life is shorter than is often seems. – While you are complaining about all the little problems in your life, somebody is desperately fightingfor their right to live. You own every minute that you pass through, and that it is up to you to make the best use of each one of them. Because someday, suddenly, there will be no more minutes.
Holding on to pain is self abuse. – Your past has given you the strength and wisdom you have today, so celebrate it. Don’t let it haunt you. Replaying a painful memory over and over in your head is a form of self abuse. Toxic thoughts create a toxic life. Make peace with yourself and your past. When you heal your thoughts, you heal the health of your happiness. So stop focusing on old problems and things you don’t want in your future. The more you think about them, the more you attract what you fear into your everyday experiences – you become your own worst enemy.
Some things are out of your control. – No matter what happens, no matter the outcome, you’re going to be just fine. Let the things you can’t control, happen. Allow the universe to bless you in surprising and joyful ways. What if, instead of pushing so hard to make life happen, you decided to let go a little and allow life to happen to you? What if, instead of trying to always be in control, you sometimes surrendered control to something bigger than yourself? What if, instead of working so hard to figure out every last answer, you allowed yourself to be guided to the solution in perfect timing?
The past never changes. – You can spend hours, days, weeks, months, or even years sitting alone in a dark room, over-analyzing a situation from the past, trying to put the pieces together, and justifying what could’ve or sould’ve happened. Or you can just leave the pieces in the dark and walk out the front door into the sunlight to get some fresh air.
Moving on creates positive change. – You may blame everyone else and think, “Poor me! Why do all these crappy things keep happening to me?” But the only thing those scenarios all have in common is YOU. And this is good news, because it means YOU alone have the power to change things, or change the way you think about things. There is something very powerful and liberating about surrendering to change and embracing it – this is where personal growth and evolution reside.
New opportunities are out there waiting for you. – Nobody gets through life without losing someone they love, something they need, or something they thought was meant to be. But it is these losses that make us stronger and eventually move us toward future opportunities. Embrace these opportunities. Enter new relationships and new situations, knowing that you are venturing into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to experience something or meet someone that just might change your life forever.
The world needs you to let your light shine. – The powers above added one more day in your life today, not necessarily because you need it, but because the world still needs you to let your light shine. So starting today, fall in love. Not necessarily with a person, but with an aim, an ambition, a passion. What would be your reason to wake up every morning with a smile? That’s what you need to start working on today.